


the seed of love

by minhyunbin



Category: JBJ (Band), NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, hanahaki disease au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-10 15:12:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12914547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minhyunbin/pseuds/minhyunbin
Summary: the day hyunbin met minhyun, the seed of love had already been planted. and all it took was time to grow it's roots, embedded deep into his heart.





	the seed of love

**Author's Note:**

> please read this on desktop for the best viewing experience due to the formatting! to the dear prompter, thank you for this prompt. i've always wanted to write a hanahaki au for this coupling, and now i got my chance. i hope you enjoy this!

     ( it **starts** ~~off~~ ) like that told in stories time and time again. the late afternoon sun, a  
sharp corner around  the campus block,  then spilled coffee staining  a baby pink shirt.  
hyunbin had apologized over and over again,  at least in his mind, because part of him  
was starstrucked the moment his eyes fell on the  complete stranger. it's his voice that  
broke the gentle giant's reverie, and hyunbin had spluttered out his apology in chunks,  
fishing around his pockets for some tissues only to find none. amid his frantic ' _sorries_ '  
and the stranger's  ' _it's okay, don't worry_ ',  the tall freshman got a  name and a contact  
number as he handed him a spare grey hoodie that's a tad too narrow on the shoulders.

               his name was **minhyun** ,  
                                             and _simply_  like that,  
                                                                        the ( seed ) has fallen.

     ( **friendship** )  brewed from tea leaves and grapefruit juice,  and brooding questions  
under the midday sun  in bustling cafes.  hyunbin learned that minhyun was a senior in  
the same arts faculty  but under a different major,  korean literature major with a minor  
in linguistics.  hyunbin himself fell under mass communications, though the senior had  
eventually found out that it was simply because of his hesitance in pursuing drama and  
modeling despite the opportunities reached out to him.  minhyun had hummed, taking  
in the younger's  words of uncertainty a nd the wavering  in his eyes,  but unlike others  
who told him  what he should  do  _or_ should not do,  minhyun's vote of  confidence was  
that he would eventually find out after he tried everything he could, when he was ready.

                                                                        and that, hyunbin appreciated _a lot_.

     ( **friendship** )  continued  through the  days and  cafes became  but one part of their  
usual  routine.  hyunbin would find  himself waiting  at the cinemas and  theatres more  
often than not, while he took minhyun to an internet cafe for a quick game of overwatch.  
minhyun almost always loses, and the younger relished in the resigned sigh from those  
pouty lips; sometimes hyunbin wondered why minhyun still followed him to the pc cafe,  
but that question  was soon  overtaken by  something else.  that something  else being  
' _why_ _does he enjoy seeing that  pout on his face so much_ ',  and ' _why does he think that  
he looked kissable?_ '.

                                                                        to that, hyunbin had ~~no~~ answers.

               he doesn't want to ~~acknowledge~~ them,  
                                             nor this _fluttering_ feeling in his chest,  
                                                                        but he knew, the **seed** had taken ( root )

     ( **crush**. ) it's a feeling so simple and yet so tragic; to know that he's falling for a best  
friend who would  never look at him  the same way. yet he couldn't  stop his  wandering  
eyes, following the back view  as the elder walked. the scene traced futher into different  
memories, each looking the same with d ifferent outfits as the  only indicator of passing  
time.  because when it came to minhyun,  hyunbin would always be one step behind, his  
fate only allowing  him to be within reaching  distance but never _quite_.  minhyun always  
leads,  with his wavering laughter carried by the wind and the gentle tug of his lips in an  
upward motion. 

               " _hyunbin-ah_!"  
                                             "-yes hyung?"  
                                                                        " _what are you doing, hurry up!"_

     "yes, hyung,"  he would reply,  stepping right  up next to  him in one giant stride. he  
would smile then,  hoping that it reaches his eyes the way minhyun does, like crescents  
in midday sun.  and it  dawned  on him,  how one smile  from the raven could have him  
scrambling to give him the world.  because minhyun deserved the moon,  the stars and  
the extirety of the galaxy.

     ( **crushed**  ) then, was the onslaught aftermath that came in waves washing over him,  
because he knew that  minhyun's world  would _never_ be his - **or him**.  the very thought  
weighed down  upon him,  dragging his steps  like heavy chains  pulling him back,  like  
the suppression of a weight as he sank into the depths of the oceans. he knew then that  
it's a black hole he could never worm himself out, but hyunbin was willing to live in this  
constructed dream  of false reality,  where he imagined  the elder's laugh  to be for him  
and him only,  that the warm hugs and  frequent meetings promised  something bigger.  
That his soft, melodious call of his name, _held_ the affections he so desired.

     ( **crushed**  ) was his heart,  each thump bringing excruciating pain as he grasped for  
air with each intake of breath.  he heaved,  heavy steps following after the elder's steps  
and shadow like how he always does.  but his movements were slow, like they weighed  
a ton, like they _dragged_ through mud or layers of water. he heaved again as minhyun's  
figure disappeared  into the crowd,  his hands reaching out,  and that's the last he saw  
before the ring of his name was called out in the dark.

               and it is in the ~~cracks~~  of his heart,  
                                             where **seed** grows into _flowers,_  
                                                                        and then, the first (  petal ) fell...

     ( **waking** ) up in the quietness of four white walls and ceilings, hyunbin struggled to  
sit up.  everything about this room was _wrong wrong wrong_ , a sense of dread coursing  
through his veins. warm, gentle hands held onto his shoulders as he heaved, the hands  
firm as he was pushed back to bed. minhyun's face loomed in sight, eyes wavering with  
uncertainty behind  the poker face.  hyunbin had long  learned the art  of reading every  
detail of minhyun's feature, especially in the reflection of those beautiful chocolate orbs.  
he blinked rapidly  as he sunk back into the uncomfortable bed, but before he could let  
out as much of a sound, the elder spoke up first.

                                                                        " _they said it's the hanahaki disease._ "

     ( **awake** ) was his mind as the bitter smile etched on his lips, and hyunbin closed his  
eyes.  he should have known - or rather,  he already knew.  it was only a matter of time  
before the days of longing caught up to him, before the days of chasing after his hyung's  
shadows come  to an end.  and he should have known, that no matter how much he ran  
behind him, minhyun would never turn around. 

                                                                        "...i know, hyung."

     ( **awoke.** ) the silence in the air  was broken at his statement,  and hyunbin could hear  
the whir of the air conditioning and the sounds of his heart beating weakly. he wondered  
if he could feel the flutter of the flowers if he breath,  and he thought he does.  with each  
shuddering breath,  the  petals  brushed  against his lungs,  the tingling sensation mixed  
in with a dull ache that pulls him back to reality. he wondered if the flower is as beautiful  
as minhyun, imagining them as white petals in its pristine glory.

     and for a moment, hyunbin thought that if a variation of his beloved had lived within   
him, then perhaps,  he wouldn't mind perishing with the last fall of the petals. the elder  
would probably disagree, as seen from the frown appearing. 

     ( _**why**_ _won't you tell her?_  )  he had asked, and hyunbin craned his head, gazed locked.  
_oh,_   how hyunbin dreamed of telling him that,  of whispering the w ords i love you every  
time he opened  his eyes,  and every time before he shuts them.  he had dreamed of the  
whisper against his skin in cold winter days as they cuddled up,  and he had dreamed of  
tracing them along his jaw  with the stroke of his fingers.  hyunbin could only wished he  
could confess  his truest feelings to  hwang minhyun. but the dull  ache from the rooted  
plant only said otherwise. he closed his eyes, hand resting upon his chest.

                                                                        "the flower here, already has the answer."

               the ~~silence~~ of the room echoed,  
                                             the  **emptiness**  of his heart _,_  
                                                                        as the flowers begun to ( _wilt._  )

     ( **days** ) flew by soon after his discharged,  and nothing seemed to change,  but they  
had. hyunbin  noticed  the silence  that followed suit with minhyun's words;  the careful  
gaze whenever he slowed to a stop. minhyun was around more often than ever, texting  
him late  at night  and meeting  him  first  thing in  the  morning,  day in,  day out.  and  
despite all that,  the pain remained.  the flowers  were  wilting,  petal falling one by one,   
and no matter how much time he spent with minhyun, that's never going to change. but  
this was closest to the love he could ever get,  and hyunbin accepted it, clinging onto it  
as his dying wish.

     ( **day** 20 ) was when hell broke loose. he had jerked awake in the middle of the night,   
petals and flowers  choking his lungs  and throat and  spilling from his lips.  he  vaguely  
heard his name being called, the usually gentle hands shaking his shoulders firmly before  
hoisting him onto his feet. he spent his night hurling in between painful sobs, minhyun's  
hand on his back rubbing and soothing voice whispering that it's going to be okay.

                                                                        **but it won't ever be.**

             ( and he can't help but wonder, for all the care minhyun had given him,  
                                     how was there not an _ounce_ of love? )

     ( **day** 21\. )  he sat down  at the table listening  to minhyun's pleas,  and the male saw  
the water  in his cup  swirling with his  shaking hands.  ' _please,  just go for the surgery'_ ,   
' _please  give  yourself  a  chance,  hyunbin  ah_ ',  ' _please,  i'm  speaking  as **your  friend**_ '.   
hyunbin sat quietly, eyes still red and voice raw from last night's ordeal. the younger had  
made a choice to forgo the surgery  because he would  rather spend every  last hour with   
the one he loved than take a fifty-fifty russian roulette to his chest. but seeing minhyun  
breaking down when he never did, head down to  cover the dripping tears falling on the  
cup of water and onto the table, he couldn't say no.  because when it comes to minhyun,   
hyunbin will always lose.  so he reached  over to calm  the shaking hands, lips parted to  
mouth the same two words.

                                                                        ' _yes, hyung._ '

               so it has been ~~decided~~ , just like that,  
                                             as the petals **flutter** with each heave _,_  
                                                                        its time will come to an ( _end._  )

     ( thoughts **ran** )  through his mind the whole night as sun rose from the horizon. the  
raven remained in bed as he stared at the ceiling, watching as rays paint an orange glow  
on the white canvas.  minhyun blinked tiredly,  but he could not rest,  not when his best  
friend was in a surgery where he could die at any minute. because the flower had rooted  
itself too deep, the same way hyunbin's love had ran like little streams coursing throughout  
his heart. he closed his eyes, brows furrowing together. it's crazy how much the boy had  
loved this  unnamed person,  but no matter  how many times  he asked,  hyunbin would  
never stated their name.

     ( time **ran** ) as he still remained,  because hyunbin had  told him not to come. that he  
did not want  minhyun to turn  up to a  _potential_   dead body.  he had cried  even harder,   
punching him  in the  shoulder before  holding him,  the male  six centimeters taller but   
so frail  in his arms.  minhyun knew  that he was  running away too,  because he did not  
know how to handle the situation.  he knew he would regret it if he wasn't there for him,  
but all the same,  he can't help  but imagine  the worst  case scenario.  but hyunbin had  
promised that he will walk out of it alive, and hyunbin had kept all his promises to him. 

                                                                        so he _wanted_ to **trust**  hyunbin.

     ( voices **rang** ) in his head as he turned on the sides. minhyun don't know why he was  
so invested  in the  whole event,  but hyunbin  had always  been a little  bit more special.  
they just   _clicked_ ,  like lock  and a key.  what minhyun  could not  articulate with  words,  
hyunbin knew  by looking  at his eyes.  the younger  reads him  like an  open book,  and  
minhyun loved the comfort stemming from it.  with hyunbin, he had nothing to hide.  he  
shared his thoughts and  dreams and aspirations;  he could talk to him everything under  
the sun and rain and hyunbin would always be there,  nodding,  listening,  laughing with  
him. and yet in an hour, it might never ever happen again.  minhyun buried his face into  
his hands. and that's when he realised...

     ( alarm  **rang** )  but minhyun  was already out the door,  bolting down as he struggled  
to drape the coat on him.  the weather was cold,  but what his body felt  was not picked  
up by his mind as he ran as quickly as  he could, hands flagging for a cab. how could he  
had been so  _stupid stupid stupid_?  how could he had not  seen the lingering  gaze as he  
stared  right  at him  whenever he  asked  about  the person,  the same  stare he  always  
showed him,  full of soft and  warm affection.  the daily messages  he received  when he  
opened his eyes and before he closed them for the night. the quiet laughter as he leaned  
against him,  the amount of time  spent in the last  few weeks with him.  he stared at the  
clock in the car and tapped his feet, quietly asking the driver to go faster, _please_.

                                                                        ... **because he can't ~~ _lose_~~ him.**

     ( **going** ) into the surgery was a scary feeling. it's reason why he didn't bothered with  
this option at all.  if there's one thing he wanted to see  before he spilled the last flower,   
it's the familar,  handsome face of hwang minhyun,  not the cold look from his surgeon.  
but he's there and there was no way out  of it anymore, because a promise is a promise.   
and he had also promised that he will be home in one piece.

     ( **going**  )  through his  old memories  as they  slipped through  him like a  reel of old  
film, hyunbin wondered how different would things be if he hadn't turn around the corner  
that  fateful day.  he wondered if  he could turn  back time and  not land himself  in this  
situation, would he take it?  but with the flashes of  minhyun's features passing through  
his mind;  the way the elder raised his hand to cover his laugh,  the way his eyes shined  
when he talked about the stars,  and the way he felt in his  arms even in a casual hug...  
hyunbin knew that he would have taken this path over and over again.

                                                                        because he wouldn't have **lived** ,   
                                                                        if he hadn't learned to **love**.

     ( he **ran.** )  minhyun was never a good runner, but he was running as fast as his legs  
could carry him through the crowd,  up the stairs to the very department he had visited  
a month before.  the surgery lights  were still on,  and hyunbin's p arents  seated by the  
benches. he almost wanted to say he's sorry, that he should have known earlier what his  
heart truly felt, what hyunbin truly meant to him. and hyunbin never deserved any of it.  
and he regrets,  he regretted even more when his  mother held his shaking hands,  and  
minhyun broke down, falling on his knees. 

                                                                        if time had **started** all over again,  
                                                                        he wants to **change** everything.

     ( **gone.** )  inhale,  exhale.  he found his consciousness slipping away even as he tried  
so hard to grab onto it. hyunbin wondered if things would change if he managed to say  
his last words.  if he managed to  say them earlier,  the cursed words of 'i love you'.  he  
wondered if it  would make a  difference to the  situation.  maybe not so for the flowers  
embedded  deep  into  his  lungs and  heart,  but perhaps,  one less regret.  —   _"doctor,_  
patient's stats are dropping."  "we're almost done here, pushing on."  —  it was  the fear  
that stopped him,  the fear of the  elder running away,  but now it's  already too late. —  
" _doctor kim, patient's stats dropped again!" "almost done with the stitches" "doctor!"_  —   
and hyunbin supposed  that if there is one  thing he wanted to change,  it's to have the  
courage to tell him face to face, ' **i love you** '.

               as the _beep_ sounded in the room  
                                             the  **lines**  of his heartbeat disappearing  
                                                                        he begged for one ( final ) chance.

     ( **white.** )  he woke up being  enveloped by  sheer whiteness,  and for  a moment he  
thought he's gone to another dimension, until he recognized the humming of the aircon  
once again, and the bright hospital lights. he breathed, feeling a dull ache, but it was a  
different sort of sensation as before. it felt hollowed, odd, but without that tangled pull  
as it used to have in  the past when the  roots of the flower contracted with each rise of  
his lungs.  he thought that he might be dreaming, but when pain still existed,  he knew  
he had made it.

     ( **pale** ) face and black hair loomed in sight, and hyunbin paused for a moment before  
his eyes focused,  glazing over the face that he would never forget even if he passed to  
the other world. he paused, blinking as the dark brown orbs wavered, roaming his face,  
and hyunbin could feel it again,  deep within him.  the fact that nothing had changed at  
all, because even with the flower removed he knew, he had loved him all the same. lips,  
drawing into a crack of a smile at himself,  he looked away just a bit to catch his breath,  
because minhyun always drew his away. hand raised to his chest slowly, it's almost as if  
he's waiting for that sharp tug whenever his heart contracts.

                                                                       and he thought he had died when  
                                                                       his heart didn't ache the same way.  
      but he supposed even flowers  
      take time to grow again.

     ( **pale** )  hands  warmed  his  cheeks,  and he opened his  eyes at the  soft call  of his  
name,  followed  by  an  apology.  _apology_?    hyunbin  couldn't  understand,  but  what  
happened next was even more baffling. his eyes widened as minhyun moved closer, lips  
pressing against his and he could only shut his eyes at the surprise.  minhyun's lips felt  
and tasted like everything he imagined,  sweet  with  a  citrus  scent  and  soft,  just like  
marshmallows.  he felt his  heart raced  despite the  little jabs of pain  from the stitches,  
and his lungs still hurt, but if he could, he would never let go.

     ( **pink** ) ears and flushed face,  hyunbin didn't even know where to start.  there were   
budding questions and confusion,  mixed in with his physical condition, and then there  
was the kiss. not that it mattered,  anymore,  when the elder moved close to him again,   
whispering the words that he would never imagined to hear.

                                                                       i'm sorry, i love you. i love you.  
                                                                        _hyunbin ah, i love you._

     ( **red** ) eyes matched the bruised, swollen lips, tears swelling up in his own eyes the  
same way mnhyun did.  and this was  his second chance  to change things  again.  this  
time, he's waiting no more.

                                                                        _i love you, minhyun hyung._

               this time the **white flower petals**  
                                             fell from the trees as the _spring_ wind blows  
                                                                        celebrating the ( blossom ) of a new love.

**Author's Note:**

> now that the fest is over and names revealed, here's my twitter account [@mhb_sng](https://twitter.com/mhb_sng) and my [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/mhb_sng) could be found there as well. please leave me lots of comments if you can, cause they really help to motivate me to write more in the future. thank you so much for reading, and see you guys soon!


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